Chuck norris

  1. Chuck Norris keeps a diary. It’s called The Guinness Book Of World Records.
  2. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
  3. Superman sleeps in a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
  4. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
  5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
  6. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death. He wins fair and square.
  7. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  8. Chuck Norris doesn’t get a flu shot. He is the vaccine.
  9. While learning C.P.R. Chuck Norris brought the dummy to life.
  10. When Google has a question they “Norris” it.
  11. Before the Boogeyman goes to sleep he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
  12. Santa Claus visits Chuck Norris’ house first.
  13. Chuck Norris can run on water.
  14. Chuck Norris’ blood type is A-K 47.
  15. Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no sign of life.
  16. The dark is scared of Chuck Norris.
  17. Chuck Norris actually died ten years ago. Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him.
  18. Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on the shower. He stares at it until it starts to cry.
  19. Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
  20. Chuck Norris. Born: 1940 Died: Never.
  21. At Easter Chuck Norris has hot cross Chuck Norris.
  22. Chuck Norris’ dog picks up his own crap.
  23. When there’s a meteor shower Chuck Norris grabs a bar of soap.
  24. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.
  25. When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.
  26. If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  27. Chuck Norris went to Hungry Jack’s and got a Big Mac.
  28. There is no theory of evolution. Just the creatures Chuck Norris allowed to live.
  29. Chuck Norris boils the kettle by staring at it .
  30. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  31. Time stands still for no man. Unless it’s Chuck Norris.
  32. Elvis has left the building. Because Chuck Norris told him to.
  33. Traffic lights never turn red for Chuck Norris. Nothing stops Chuck Norris.
  34. Netflix doesn’t make recommendations to Chuck Norris about what he can watch next. Netflix waits for Chuck Norris to tell them what to screen.
  35. Chuck Norris never showers. He only takes blood baths.
  36. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves.
  37. The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed.
  38. Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.
  39. Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes. He knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  40. Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
  41. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
  42. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make him drink.
  43. Chuck Norris doesn’t play the lottery. It doesn’t have enough balls.
  44. Chuck Norris doesn’t own a house. He walks into random houses and people leave.
  45. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
  46. Superman and Chuck Norris had an arm wrestle. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.
  47. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug. It’s not dead, it’s just too afraid to move.
  48. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  49. Chuck Norris won The Voice using sign language.
  50. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  51. Chuck Norris doesn’t win. He allows you to lose.
  52. Chuck Norris can watch the radio.
  53. Chuck Norris doesn’t need an account. He just logs in.
  54. Chuck Norris doesn’t leave a message. You have 3 seconds to ring him back.
  55. Chuck Norris always comes first. Just ask the chicken and the egg.
  56. If Chuck Norris has a pen, the pen is mightier than the sword.
  57. When one door closes Chuck Norris kicks it in.
  58. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets hot.
  59. Chuck Norris can get stone out of blood.
  60. Chuck Norris doesn’t panic buy toilet paper. He uses sandpaper.
  61. Chuck Norris not only shot the sheriff, but he roundhoused the deputy too.
  62. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He just waits.
  63. Chuck Norris has never blinked. Never,ever.
  64. Chuck Norris breathes slowly. Seven times a day.
  65. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
  66. The magic word is please. As in “please don’t kill me”. Unfortunately Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in magic.
  67. Chuck Norris takes 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.
  68. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today known as a giraffe.
  69. We live in an expanding universe. The universe is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
  70. Chuck Norris strikes lightning.
  71. Chuck Norris stared at the eclipse and the eclipse looked away.
  72. With Chuck Norris as world leader there’d be no crime. Just punishment.
  73. Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
  74. Chuck Norris’ computer doesn’t have a shift key. Chuck Norris doesn’t shift for anyone.
  75. Chuck Norris can crack walnuts with his eyelids.
  76. Everyone has a skeleton in the closet. Chuck Norris has 5,789.
  77. Chuck Norris slept through the Big Bang.
  78. You might say Chuck Norris can’t act. But you won’t say anything else. Ever.
  79. Chuck Norris plays soccer with a bowling ball.
  80. Chuck Norris uses a stunt double for crying scenes.
  81. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He just decides what time it is.
  82. Every winner should first say, “I’d like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing.”
  83. Chuck Norris protects his bodyguards.
  84. When Chuck Norris enters a courtroom the judge stands up.
  85. When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, the glass shatters. Not even a mirror is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
  86. Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.
  87. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and looks like a duck but Chuck Norris says it’s a sheep, then it’s a sheep.
  88. Bruce Springsteen calls Chuck Norris, “The Boss”.
  89. Chuck Norris can whistle in sign language.
  90. If Chuck Norris was a Spartan the movie would have been called, “1”.
  91. Aliens believe in Chuck Norris.
  92. When Batman is in trouble he turns on the Chuck Norris signal.
  93. Chuck Norris can remember the future.
  94. When Chuck Norris was born the doctor exclaimed, “It’s a man!”.
  95. Chuck Norris once broke the sound barrier. In half.
  96. The Hulk and Chuck Norris had a fight in the forest. The Hulk is now known as Shrek.
  97. Steroids are made from Chuck Norris.
  98. Chuck Norris can experience a once in a lifetime occurrence. Twice.
  99. Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security.


1 Like

okay I will go chuck norris

got it sir

Chuck Norris sprays pepper spray on his steak to make it taste spicier

your back nice

Chuck Norris has walked through hell as i have, but hes walked through it for 10 eons

every demon fears him

Also me and him have teamed up to slaughter them


thank you…

we grew to be great friends

Chuck Norris is currently fighting something

  1. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  2. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  3. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  4. Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
  5. In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
  6. When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris said, “Say Please.”
  7. Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning
  8. If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
  9. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.
  10. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  11. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
  12. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  13. Chuck Norris appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
  14. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
  15. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
  16. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  17. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  18. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  19. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.
  20. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
  21. On the 7th day, God rested … Chuck Norris took over.
  22. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
  23. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn
  24. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
  25. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
  26. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
  27. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
  28. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
  29. Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
  30. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
  31. Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
  32. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
  33. Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time.
  34. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  35. Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.
  36. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  37. Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.
  38. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
  39. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  40. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
  41. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  42. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  43. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  44. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
  45. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  46. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
  47. When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
  48. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  49. Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
  50. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
  51. Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
  52. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
  53. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
  54. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
  55. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
  56. The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  57. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
  58. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
  59. Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
  60. Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
  61. There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
  62. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  63. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  64. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  65. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  66. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
  67. In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
  68. Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
  69. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
  70. Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.
  71. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all lethal.
  72. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  73. Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
  74. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  75. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors.
  76. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
  77. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
  78. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
  79. When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
  80. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  81. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before his first space expedition.
  82. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
  83. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
  84. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
  85. Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
  86. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  87. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
  88. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
  89. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
  90. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
  91. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
  92. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.
  93. Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
  94. In an average living room there are a thousand objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  95. Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
  96. Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
  97. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
  98. Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win.
  99. Chuck Norris’s cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
  100. Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
  101. The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
    Chuck Norris was exposed to the Coronavirus. The virus is now in quarantine for a month.
1 Like

i do not know what it is

Chuck Norris did not get absorbed by the black hole he absorbed it.

Chuck Norris can eat just one potato chip

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Chuck Norris can defeat Shaggy with only 00000000000000000000000.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of his power

Chuck norris is faster than the camera man

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I am back and I have found chuck norris